Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
