ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
