i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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