I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
