The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
