If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
