when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
