I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
