just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
