I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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