I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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