One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He has the fingertips of a God
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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