don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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