I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
