rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
