Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
