i just wanna soil my oats bro
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
