so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was like having sex with a tree stump
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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