I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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