Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I look better un-naked...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
