remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
