Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
