He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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