So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
