WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
