he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
