why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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