So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
