there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
