I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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