saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
