I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
