week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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