I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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