He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
