Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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