in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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