"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
