I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
