her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
