I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
