I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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