RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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