I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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