i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
