I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My hand turned me down
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
