Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
