I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
