jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
