did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
