Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm like, not good at living.
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