I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
