If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
